Unconditional Love heals all wounds

My "Tweet" sister

"when we were little playing hide and seek, you always knew where to find me. i haven't changed my hiding place. i am just here ♥" ~ tweet from my sister

In the midst of what I call my "emotional hibernation", my younger sister reminds me where I can find her should I need a pair of listening ears... I felt bad that she had to call me overseas. I did not wish to burden my family with the sort of phase I seem to be going through. Nevertheless it felt good to hear an assuring voice. I was glad she called. 

I know not everyone will understand my need to distance myself yet it is comforting to have friends and sisters who respect such imperative to fly solo. Sometimes it is best for private battles to be fought alone. I am assured however, long and murky the tunnel may be... at the end of this cumbersome passage ~ I will be reunited not only with the people I hold close to my heart but also with "myself". 

And now my heart silently sings to my Saviour...Psalm 32:7... only the Lord can refresh my soul...

Lonely Echoes...

My mind's been wandering aimlessly for quite a while. I know deep down that this is something bound to happen. Like a quiet river that grows into a waterfall. I cannot think. I need to be in my solitude. I hope I can find myself again because I know I am lost. A lost sheep. The black one. 

In my mind, I am still that child...wanting to be accepted...hurting with each and every rejection. Constantly feeling that my wholeness is in acceptance and forgiveness...of not being judged...in that absolute consciousness of being loved. 

I am still that child...asking myself what I can do in my littlest way to be a source of joy not frustration...not disappointment. I am still that child trying to fit in my role as a mother. I thought I have picked up the pieces but being human makes me vulnerable to such feelings.

I know this is just temporary and that I soon will triumph such weakness. But for now let me dwell in my solitude while I find myself again... 

Another candle to blow...

Yesterday marked another year of my life and I celebrated it with my husband and children. A month prior, I planned to invite a few friends but due to unforeseen circumstances,  had to cancel. So I opted for a simple one. I prepared Pasta ala Pesto il funghi and baked my own chocolate lava cake. I felt so happy being able to finally perfect the frosting which I've been trying to do so many times and failed. Truly everyday is a learning experience and am glad that I've never stopped trying!

I saw this birthday prayer and I'd like to share it with you as this is the same sentiments I hold in my heart

Birthday Prayer

Thank you, God, for giving me another year of life.
Thank you for all the people who remembered me today
by sending cards, and letters, gifts and good wishes.

Thank you for all the experience of this past year;
for times of success which will always be happy memories,
for times of failure which reminded me of my own weakness and of my need for You,
for times of joy when the sun was shining,
for times of sadness which drove me to You.

Forgive me
for the hours I wasted,
for the chances I failed to take,
for the opportunities I missed this past year.
Help me in the days ahead to make this the best year yet,
and through it to bring good credit to myself,
happiness and pride to my loved ones,
and joy to you. Amen.