Motherhood...behind the curtains

“Mothers are all slightly insane.” - J.D. Salinger

borrowed photo

No one ever said that being a mother is easy because we are, after all human, before we are mothers. We laugh, we cry, we get angry, we get crazy, silly, and whatnot. We can be at our strongest or at our weakest where our family is concerned. And crazy as a mad hatter when our husband become as helpless as our kids. We are not only a mother to our kids but become mothers to our husband and other family members as well. 

" telling me to be happy: "Henry, smile! why don't you ever smile?"

and then she would smile, to show me how, and 

it was the saddest smile I ever saw” - Charles Bukovski

No one will ever notice our silent cry for help, nor notice the sadness in our eyes. No one will ever ask how our day went, or how we feel, or what we want to do over the weekend, surprises will be a thing in the past. But we will often hear them complain about their food, where their stuff are, why they have to help do the chores, why they can't go places when their friends are able to. 

"Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.” - Debra Ginsberg

 No one will ever be able to read the mind of a mother unless it's a daughter who has seen the same pain, or a son who wants to protect his mother, or a husband who would put his wife on a pedestal above everybody else. A mother's heart is so complex that it could reach through every child's joy and pain, through their triumphs and failures, through their laughter and tears, through life's confusion and everything in between. And so it is true, the only time we can understand our mother is when we become mothers ourselves.

“In the book Soldiers on the Home Front,

 I was greatly struck by the fact that

 in childbirth alone, women commonly suffer more pain, 

illness and misery than any war hero ever does. 

And what's her reward for enduring all that pain? 

She gets pushed aside when she's disfigured by birth, 

her children soon leave, hear beauty is gone. 

Women, who struggle and suffer pain to ensure the continuation of the human race, 

make much tougher and more courageous soldiers 

than all those big-mouthed freedom-fighting heroes put together.” - Anne Frank

No one can ever understand what goes through the mind of a mother but it will definitely take children who have gone the same road and a very supportive husband to stand as her pillar all throughout her journey as mothers to their kids.

borrowed photo

3b0f9e80599eb71b8f72563e75178684467a57d235929647aa

Happy Birthday Alloy!

No matter how tall they get, no matter the age, our children will always be our children. Every birthday celebrated is a badge of honor on our shoulders. And one thing will always be true, our children will always be the vessel of our love. My son turned 11 today, and this milestone brought me back to when I first conceived him. His conception was a miracle of sorts but children will always be a miracle, right? 11 years back I took my first pregnancy test which proved negative, then again the next month which proved the same. I was beginning to feel frustrated and went to the doctor to have myself tested again, and to my dismay it still turned out the same. 3 months without my monthly visitor, I was beginning to think if it was too late for me to have another. After a few weeks I went back to the doctor to have myself undergo ultrasound, and to my husband's and my surprise, the doctor saw a sac. A 2 month-old sac, I was advised that it may or may not develop into a fetus. Eventually it did! I may never understand what happened in between but I will always be thankful that the sac turned out to be the son that I am able to embrace, talk to, cry with, laugh with.

Now my son is 11 and I will always be proud of him and proudest that I am his mother! Happy Birthday my son, you know how Mommy loves you to the moon and back.

Celebrating love with you❤

This is how I will always envision our future together. Strong, bonded, filled with love. 

My Papa and Mama

Year after year we celebrate our marriage and joyfully so. Always looking forward to more years together. Even our children complain of our being too cheezey. And yet, even then, I know how much they love seeing us in our own state of euphoria. We have built a house filled with love my husband, and I pray that it will always be this way.  

I remember our first year together, how we struggled and how we both stood on our own. You were determined to prove to my parents that you were the one for me. It is always good to look back from our beginnings. When we'd often scrimp and try to save and fail with the little that we have. How we'd often joke about having a car and pretend to look for it in the parking lot of SM. How we'd dream about owning a house with a big yard and a theatre/media room, a big kitchen, a library, and an office space. We may not have everything yet....but having each other is still and always will be the highlight of our lives.

We've gone a long way from the time we started dating and am just thankful that we have always chosen to change for the better. How our love has always remained strong...and how we have always chosen to stay in love this way with each other.

I love you so much my husband...you know I will always do...right up to the moon and back....to eternity and beyond....

Happy Anniversary to us! May our Lord grant us more years together, more love, good health, and happiness throughout our married life...

The hungry Pinoy

This is my perennial quagmire, starting a blog and gradually relegating myself to something I am more passionate about. But this is not why I am blogging again. I know that my blogs will probably come in either heaps or come in trickles. All I know is that I will definitely blog about something that has either moved me so much or something I feel so strongly for or against.

Coming home from a short drive, I decided to just buy lunch. I saw one of our building security guards waiting for his turn to buy food at the kiosk. When he finally was attended to, he bought a cup of rice and ask for a bowl of soup. While waiting for my change I saw him begin eating his fare without any other viand. My heart sank. I felt terrible being able to buy when the person who guards our building night and day, which may even stretch into very long hours, is not even able to eat a decent meal. Of course in my mind I cursed the slugs in our government. I cursed the government parasites who feed on the Filipino people. While they are able to wine and dine at best restos. While they are able to give grand parties for their kids. Or go jet-setting. Majority of the Filipino people don't have enough to eat. Don't they even know that more than a million Filipino families live on such a minimal daily budget? Don't they realise how many are in need of medical attention? Don't they even see the rising number of children who are unable to get a decent education? I guess not. Because all they see in the Filipino people are opportunities for their own growth. For amassing wealth that was never theirs in the first place!

The word Garapal comes to mind and then I slowly realise why there is even such a word. "Gara" probably is the shortened derivative from the word "Garapata" (tick), while "pal" from the word "kapal" (thick/thick-skinned). In other words, our government is filled with Thick-skinned, blood sucking public servants. Shame on you! I am frustrated. Government or Private offices would not have to treat their employees this way if only those who we elected stand to be model employees that everyone would emulate.

But if this can't be done, then I say, we should do our darnedest to inspire the government to do good! Rather than wait for the next President and hope he does better, we should educate everyone to give dignity to every single action, to every single thought, to every single word, and to every single decision that we are to make.

"Inspiring scenes of people taking the future of their countries into their own hands will ignite greater demands for good governance and political reform elsewhere in the world, including in Asia and in Africa." William Hague

Curiousity got the mom 😝

I was busy cleaning when I suddenly thought of checking on my youngest son. As soon as I walked in the room he clicked on something on the computer. Hmmmm... I prohibited them from playing internet games a few weeks ago so when he tried his best to keep me off the pc I became suspicious and reminded him that he was not allowed to play games. I told him that I will be checking on the history to find out what games he played. He suddenly cried and embraced me and teied his best to drive me out of the room. Grabe ang lakas nya! As he bawled his heart out I tried my best to stop from laughing as i wanted him to know that I was dead serious. Of course I won on the brawn department. As i opened the history of the sites he visited, the one that caught my eye has the phrase "how to kiss"! Imagine myself in between feelings of consternation and the funnies. I wanted to laugh out loud but I reminded myself that I am a parent. I almost peed hahaha what the heck does he want to know about kissing and why is beyond me... Hay sons....growing sons ...

Forget me not

This time we should not just sweep everything under the carpet! We should not forget! We should fight for the rights that these unscrupulous public officials has trampled on and belittled! I should hope that we are no longer that kind of Filipino! We should fight for every Juan who has gone abroad just to have the kind of life that these dirty politicians and their family get to enjoy in their own country! This fight is for every Filipina who is raped and killed abroad! This is for every Filipino children who roam the streets, who lose themselves in a plasticeverycross rivers, climb hills, spend 2 hours on foot just to be in school! For every Juan who roams the street and have no roof over their heads. While Janet Napoles and several of these dirty politicians and their family have several homes to choose from! Damn you! Damn you all! While you and your family are able to eat what you want. The victims of your "lootings" have to scrounge the garbage for second hand food! Damn you for even thinking that our taxes are monies you own! Damn you for getting to live the kind of life our poor Filipinos can only dream of or imagine for themselves! You should be jailed in the same manner that thieves and other bad elements are. You've become so thick skinned that you feel that without the pork barrel, your countrymen's needs. can no longer be addressed! No wonder we see families in politics! Politics is no longer a venue to help but a business venture that dirty political families thrive on! Mahiya naman kayo! You were voted for a reason well unless you bought your votes too which is inevitable for dirty public officials such as yourselves!

I hope tomorrow's clamor not only move people but move each and every Filipinos here and abroad to join hands! We cannot allow ourselves to think that nothing can be done. There is, as we have always managed to do so. But this time kababayans let us not forget! We always have to be on our toes! We have to protect our children's future and that of our beloved country.

Food for the soul

Our family's diet has passed through different stages... I used to have a hard time thinking of what to prepare for my husband, being a picky eater. I'd always have to think hard and long what to cook. Making a weekly menu helps but it means having to buy more grocery stuff. Not wanting to add more to the list, I am always forced to serve the same dish to my children rather than cook two viands just because only my kids and I eat beef.

Thankfully all that has changed. My husband and I have been weaning ourselves off rice. These days I've been spending shorter times in the kitchen. Our diet consists mainly of vegetables, protein, and fruits. Our kids are exempted from this discipline as far as rice is concerned. But we do have them eat more vegetables. Am discovering more fun ways to serve our veggies. To make them look and taste interesting. I want to be off rice permanently and I feel that my husband is trying his best to keep his resolve.

I love whipping up old recipes with new ideas. Let me share with you some of my recipes. Tonight i made my own version of Yakisoba. For this recipe you'd need the following:

2 cups of beansprouts
2 cups of thinly sliced napa cabbage
1/4 cup thinly sliced meat or shrimps
1 cup japanese tofu cut into cubes
Soy sauce
Mirin
Sesame seeds
1 tbsp minces garlic
1 onion sliced
1 tsp minced ginger
Sesame oil
Salt (optional) and pepper to taste

1. Blanch napa cabbage and beanprouts. Set aside when done.
2. Fry thinly sliced pork in very little oil. Set aside.
3. Saute onion, ginger, and garlic in a little oil. Toss in the pork and fresh noodles pour a little sesame oil. Cook in medium fire for no longer than 5 minutes.
4. Pour in about 2 tbsp mirin or 1 tbsp brown sugar and soy sauce. Pour 1/4 c of water. Put a dash of ground pepper and salt. (Put salt only if necessary, normally soy sauce is enough) Remove from heat. Toss in the rest of the veggies and mix until fully coated with soy. Top with sesame seeds and serve hot.

Enjoy! ;)